Old Sh*t, New Day

Damian Hirst at the Royal Academy, London

Crap is bad enough, but old crap, now that really stinks. I’m talking about Damian Hirst’s latest installation involving raw meat, a rotting cow’s head and black house flies. Hirst told reporters that he came up with the idea back in 1990. So grateful that he let the idea fester for so long, perfecting the masterpiece displayed in the Royal Academy today. Had he been hasty about it, we may have had to endure something even worse, if that is at all possible. And let’s not forget his diamond baby skull currently on tour, yet another recycled idea, that continues to have the art world up in arms. Boy, would I love to shake hands with the guy who vandalised his sheep!

If that wasn’t enough to get me into a rage, the other master of  crap (that takes little or no effort whatsoever to compile), Martin Creed is currently exhibiting a neon sign depicting the word Mothers. And that’s not all, it spins too! Brilliant. Alongside this awe-inspired piece is a black and white film of a nipple erection shot in slow motion, which was “created” in 2007. Why hasn’t he exhibited the film until now? Well, he says, he works quite slowly. What? A slow worker? Or is it simply that he is eking out his bullshit slowly to keep his bank roll steady? What a tosser!

I’m really interested to hear from anyone who supports these two overinflated hacks – how does one intellectualise rotting flesh and neon signs? It’s crap and we all know it and those art critics who are so up their own arse that they feel they “get it”, well, I’ve got news for you, there is nothing to “get”. The fact is that these are two big money making names so journos are too afraid to write what they really think. As you can see, I’m not one of them. However, I will give credit where credit is due. Hirst and Creed are certainly brilliant businessmen, or rather they employ brilliant businessmen. Don’t let them fool you, it’s not about the art – by all means, we are not talking about art here.

Martin Creed at Hauser & Wirth, London

The joke is on the public who buy into their bullshit. These two-bit hacks regurgitate their sh*t into the public domain and we pay £10 (at least) to see it. What is wrong with a society that will pay to see a ‘runied picnic’ or a neon sign simply because some wankers name is attached to it? And even if the exhibitions are free – it’s still an utter waste of time!

In an age where ideas are valued over talent and creativity, which in itself is quite sad, Hirst and Creed have still failed to supply the goods. On that note, I would love to hear a counter argument, if anybody has one.
xxx

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